Tears

Today was the first day since my mum died that I did not cry. Oh shit, I still have an hour left of this day, maybe I should have waited before making such a brash statement. Yesterday there was a lot of wailing and breast beating, even I didn’t recognize my own crying at one point, it came from a place I have never been before. I imagine that this anguish is like malaria, it probably won’t kill you but it takes its toll in sweat and tears. I always knew I would have a hard time when my mother died, I had tried imagining it while she was alive and I would start to panic. Now it has happened and I am inside the eye of my own hurricane. I should have kept quiet, here come  a few sad tears, they hardly count.