Mourning

I had a grief attack yesterday. One moment I’m mopping the floor the next I see the queen mum’s pained face in front of me and that month before she died hits me between the eyes. I am surrounded in sadness. I feel so alone. Lonely, lost, lousy, little, loser, lonesome. L words rumble through my head. Tears create puddles on my face. I am all of those L words. I scream and cry, letting it all out.  I try to find kinder  L words to replace the one’s I feel. Laughter, living, lovely, looking, light, loose, lucky. Life. Soon maybe I will.