Muggy

For weeks I have stood on the mountain and looked up at the clouds but now I am back in the valley of grief.

I’m not sure how I got here. Was it when the massage therapist started rubbing my feet and an image of my mothers’ adorable red toes appeared in my head?  Or maybe it was when an old friend showed up and we talked for hours and then when he left  loneliness wrapped around my heart. I like being alone but lately I have been aware of my loneliness, that feeling of no one to  talk or hang out with. I saw mum everyday for the last six years and before that we talked on the phone at least once a week. Now, no one calls just to talk.

I felt like I had a sense of purpose being the queen mum’s caregiver and everyday I learned something new and let something go. Now I go to work, come home go to bed,  get up and do it again.

I watched the documentary about Amy Winehouse, it was very good but really made me sad. I grew up knowing musicians who died young; Janis, Jimi, Michael Bloomfield, Jim Morrison, the list goes on. When I was young watching all this talent I noticed that they all seemed to be good at their art but not so good at daily life and with fame and success came the dark side that too much money can buy. Money can’t buy true friends or love and we all know along with health these are the most precious.