Month: November 2021

It’s been seven years since the queen mum fell on her birthday and jumped on the rollar coaster that only goes down. Seven years, that is how long it has taken me to forget the bad memories and only want to think of the good ones. For Thanksgiving had always been a wonderful time of the year for my family. “My family,” that is also a memory from the past. It feels so strange to not have a family that you see or talk to. But that’s not what I am hear to talk about, what I realized is this time of year doesn’t hurt like it did for many years. I tried to do the “work’ but also I do think that age brings many challenges but also a freedom from the angst. Ok, maybe you were smart enough not to go on the angst train but not me, hey I was the kid that wanted to be a martyr. What a waste of good energy.

I have been working on forgiving the ones I gave my Love to but it wasn’t enough. More like they didn’t respond in the way I wanted them to do with the love I was throwing out. Both are Sagittarius, one a love, one blood. Both born on the same day. Chaos is laughing. I can work with chaos. I love the holidays because I believe in magic.

Next year I am 2/22/22.

I”m feeling good.

Maybe you should bet on me.

I think I became aware that males were more important than females when I was about one year old. I was the first grandchild and for a moment I was Queen of the universe. Then my cousin Tim was born and I felt the shift. A boy, the family has a boy to continue the family name. I felt that as much as they liked me I was not as valuable as a boy baby. It showed in the toys they bought at Christmas, I got dolls and a doll house he got an electric train. A train,  who wouldn’t want a train? Dolls. I never knew what you were supposed to do with them.  Soon I would have a baby brother, so I certainly didn’t need baby dolls., I had a baby brother.

I was angry when my cousin Tim got a train set and I didn’t, I’m still angry. I’m angry that I have been treated differently my whole life because I’m a female. This memory/feeling arrived on the day I found out that my dear cousin Tim Clark had died of a massive stroke (our family health history.)  We were not friends as adults but we spent those first baby years together with the big people making memories. He and I bonded if we liked each other or not.  RIP Tim.

Horseradish Polenta 

1 cup coarse ground cornmeal 

3 cups milk

2 cups water

1/4 cup heavy cream 

3 tablespoons Better Than Bouillon chicken base 

3 cloves garlic, minced 

1/2 cup grated Parmigiano-Reggiano 

3 tablespoons prepared horseradish 

2 tablespoons unsalted butter 

Heat the milk, water and cream to a boil and whisk in the cornmeal. Add the garlic and chicken base. Continue whisking for 30 to 60 minutes until it’s tender. You may need to add more cream as you go if it’s too thick. Add the cheese, horseradish and butter and whisk until smooth. 

Times that I am happy I live alone:

Right Now.

I seem to be buying my winter wardrobe for Costco in the mens flannel selection. I can’t figure out the size difference so the clothes/ pjs are not flattering and usually too big. But I don’’t care because they are warm and fuzzy and that make me happy.