Author: Buzzy Donahue

We are now in Phase 1 of the Washington plan for handling the pandemic. It’s pretty much the same as the “Stay at Home” request from the state that was issued in March. We are one of the 10 counties in Washington that because of our low contamination numbers (hardly any testing)  could request going into Phase 2 earlier then the rest of the state. This makes many of us “red zone” citizens nervous. We are a tourist town with some lovely parks and beachs that could easily draw large numbers of city folk looking to escape. I am glad I do not have to make some of the difficult choices  our town faces, like many towns across the nation. It seems to boil down to economy vs lives, and capitalism will not be denied.

Covid 19 deaths today 841 5/4/20

I have now been sheltering at home for 44 days. I had to count the days twice, even I am surprised how long it has been. At first it was uncomfortable so I stayed in bed and watched reruns of some of my favorite shows like Lovejoy. Have you ever watched it? One of the reasons I like it so much is because it is set in the English countryside with all those wonderful villages with thatched roofs and it is a show about antiques. The show is not violent and you come away knowing something about art. So refreshing.

Eventually I came out of my fog and started noticing all the holes in my life. That was a rough couple of weeks realizing my flaws living this life. All these emotions while home alone from fear, anger, loneliness, sadness and slowly a calm as I reprioritize my life on this beautiful planet.

We still have a low count for Covid-19 but that is due to lack of testing. Most people are still staying home. We did open our Farmers Market this weekend but I won’t be going. All of our wonderful festivals have been cancelled, even the ones in September. I hope we will have a large voter turn out in the Fall and vote this embarrasement of a president out and vote this time for a grown up.

We have 723 deaths in the state of Washington due to Covid-19.

I think about how much I miss the pool. I started going there with my mom at least twenty years ago. She was so excited to bring me to her 8am water aerobics class to meet her swim friends and show me the joy of water aerobics. By the time I moved to PT mom had stopped going swimming but I didn’t forget the pool as swimming is my exercise, refuge, place of joy. Two years ago when I started working at the radio station I decided to also go back to the pool. I think it was the first day I went swimming after my show that Seth pointed at me and said “Buzzy, go take that class.” So I did, and rediscoverd the joys of water aerobics. But this time I worked out with a different mindset. I decided to give it at least 100% every class. What a difference, I felt great, empowered, energized. I found my endorphins, and then I found John. Anyone who goes to the pool knows John. John is passionate, funny, loud, authentic. He teaches the morning classes so his work schedule is rough. I imagine he goes to bed about 8pm and get up at 4am as he starts work a 5:30am. That kind of schedule does not make for much of a social life I would imagine. John is loved by many for the passion he brings to his classes. He inspires. I know he has encouraged me more then any parent or teacher I have ever known. I doubt John makes a living wage. I hope that when the pool reopens that John will be there, I miss him. This is my ode to John.

Change hurts.

When that door closes it often closes on your finger, punctures your heart,

crushes your dreams.

We wait.

We grieve and then we move on.

And another door opens.

And the Virus said:
I could kill all of you.
The Earth would be fine.

And the Virus said:
People need the Earth
The earth doesn’t need you.

There is nothing like a pandemic to motivate one to write. I know I do my best work when I’m down.

Just for the record this writing is free form. Do you know what that means? It means no rewrites, revisions, just my feelings at the moment. I learned about free form from radio back in the 60’s and still love the freedom of just doing it.

We here in Washington State are in “Shelter at Home” right now.  It started on March 13 and will continue till at least May 4th at midnight  when we can all go out and  celebrate Cinco de Mayo.  No, not really but it’s a nice imagine.

I am so grateful I am doing radio. It has saved me from feeling old and useless in a time when it is really easy to feel like that. I never really felt old until this happened. Yes I did turn 70 this year and that was hard to accept but I was still moving around and feeling good and then the virus hit our state and everything changed and I was scared like everyone else. Two days after our town shut down I was confronted by a young business owner who still reeling from the fact he had to close his business and lay off his employees  saw me outside and screamed at me. He told me it was my fault he had to close, it was because of old people like me.  He just kept screaming at me and told me to go home and stay there because that is where I belonged. I was shocked. I didn’t scream back at him because I could hear the fear and confusion in his voice. But it did start me thinking about was I worth the sacrifice he was making?

I have anger issues. I always have. I still haven’t figured out why I can get ticked off so easily, why my buttons are so easy to push.

I used to like to blame it on being Irish but I know that isn’t it, I don’t think.   Can anger be built into your DNA? Am I holding on to the anger of my ancestors?

Sometimes I think I’m angry because I’m a woman. We have valid reasons to be angry, don’t you think?  I look at the few pictures I have of my mother when she was pregnant with me, she doesn’t look happy and her clothes suggest she is in mourning. Did I grab her anger and now I can’t let go.

Sometimes my anger just swells up and unleashed destroys friendships, lovers, family.  What a waste of energy.