Tag: love

THINGS I HAVE NOTICED

Don’t eat fresh crab in bed, no matter how neat you are you are going to end up sleeping on a pieces of shell.

If someone decides to share their pain or sadness with you try not to immediately tell them your sad story. Just listen and make sweet cooing noises.

Right here and right now is the only guarantee you get so stop waiting till things are “perfect”

No one can make you happy. That is your job.

“Growing old,” I used to not like that expressions until I stopped and thought about it. We all get old and if you can do it and keep growing in mind and spirit, not in the belly you will be a happy oldster.

Listening should be your secret weapon to living a good life.

Don’t watch animal videos of people encountering bears while hiking just before you go to bed.

Letting Go

My father once said to me that I was like an old dog with a bone, I just wouldn’t let go. I guess he was right. Thirty years ago I fell in love with a man who broke up with me after three years together. Now I see our relationship was based on drugs, we spent many days high on some great LSD that we would chew every morning and see where it took us. The sex was good and I foolishly thought we were communicating with our lovemaking. He had been in Vietnam and wouldn’t discuss it with me. I believed  I could understand what he went through but time has taught me that isn’t so. I used to worry that when the LSD ran out so would we and in some ways that was true it just took a couple of years and different drugs to figure that out. Even after we broke up I still loved him and I guess I still held hope. I kept all the love letters he had written and pictures of him and occasionally would take them out and look at them. Feeling the love.
After my mother died we started communicating and he was very sympathetic and supportive. He had married the woman who would call him up late at night while we were together. He always denied there was anything between them and decided it was time to explain why he broke up with me, I am so glad he did. In reading his version of what happened those many years ago and comparing it to what I remember I realize how little we really knew  each other, how the trust was never there, how the support a relationship needs to survive did not exist. I threw away those love letters and got rid of his pictures and finally let go of that bone.

It’s the little things

I have been my mothers’ caregiver for six years. We have had a few close calls with health issues in the first couple of years,  so we had some conversations I believe most people avoid. You know “the elephant in the room” kind of issues. In our family the thing we never really talked about was how we felt, that thing called feelings or emotions.  Instead we tried to say what we thought you wanted to hear, or so it seemed in  my reality.

After my mother decided on “comfort care” I was sitting with her in the hospital and was telling her how happy I was that we had spent the last years together. Saying how much I loved her, how I had known her longer then any one else on this planet. I told her how happy I was I had gotten the chance to work on my mother/daughter issues (which I’m sure she went along with to keep me happy), not being of that generation that even worried about mother/daughter issues.  So when I suggested to her in my 60’s cosmic awareness kinda  way how maybe next time around I would  be the mother and she would  be my daughter. She gave me not exactly the evil eye  but “that look” and said  in a gutter ball voice  ” I hope not.buzgracewater  And then we laughed.