For 57 days my life was an emotional rollercoaster. I was running a marathon in my head and couldn’t stop. The only way I slept was if I self-medicated which lasted for six hours. I need eight hours to function. My emotional stress was constant. It was exhausting. I knew I needed to slow down and take care of myself and I also knew I needed to play this pain out. I had to be as close as I could get to my authentic self or this grief would come back to haunt me. I don’t want to live with pain like that anymore; there is too little time. Nothing like death to remind you to live.
I slowly started doing things to relax. I went and soaked in a hot tub for an hour and let my pain seep into the warm salt water. It really helped as I use water to find my self when it has run away. I love water, it heals me.
During this hurricane of hurt I had a few emotional breakdowns. Once after waiting 20 minutes on the phone to cancel a subscription of my mums’ I let loose on the operator about the fact that mum had two subscription for the same thing as the constant barrage of renewal notices had caused her to pay twice. “Surely you could see that it was the same person at the same address getting the same information.” One of mums’ fears was dementia, so she would get too embarrassed when she would make any kind of accounting mistake. In the six years I was around I watched her keep charge of her banking and medical issues plus a plethora of medicines. I couldn’t have done it. There I was screaming at this man on the phone, crying hysterically about how mean it was to take advantage of the elderly and then in the middle of it I hung up without “officially” cancelling her subscription. I wonder how often this has happened to operators?
The Buzzy Donahue Show 