I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Soon I will be able to think about something else besides the queen mum. Yes, she is still running the show. So many details go with the death of a loved one. Friends and family to contact, some by phone (that is the hardest) some by social network (that is easier but so impersonal). I found out my dearest friend had committed suicide by an email. That was hard, the news coming that way. Is there a good way to find out about someone you love death? There is no good way.
Every day details. The newspaper, TV guide, dish, telephone, magazine subscriptions, dental insurance, AARP
insurance, give 30 day notice at apartment, send out memorial cards, put in an obit in the newspaper, change address, notify bank, credit cards, send back dish box, find a home for pet, go through all her papers, cards, pictures, she never threw away anything that belonged to her dead husband, have an petite estate sale, go through kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, closet, storage. Throwing away stuff, stuff and more stuff. Giving back the hearing aid she had just bought, returning the birthday and Christmas gifts she never saw or got to use. Donating to local charities, changing titles on car, cancelling her life. I’m almost done.
This is good, as I need to think about something else for a while. I need to forget and remember, to come back to the present, to brush my hair and wipe the sleep out of my eyes, to get out the big eye mirror and check for long black hairs that show up overnight on my chin. I want to be able to read a book, magazine, look someone in the eye without crying, and get my shoulders out of my ears. I want to feel it’s ok to take time to go swimming, take a yoga class, be nice to myself without feeling like I need to finish something first, enjoy my food instead of forgetting to eat and then eating too fast because I’m not paying attention to the food but the list that is going on inside my head.
Oh I’m not saying I’m almost finished, I still have boxes and garbage bags full of medical supplies and medicine and photos and cards to got through but I will do them at my pace not dealing with a deadline.
And when I’m back in my body in the here and now I am going to do something about our local nursing home.
The Buzzy Donahue Show 